I'm still writing!

A quick update - just to say that I'm writing(!) - and enjoying it. Who knows how long this will continue, but for now I'm making the most of it.

I have no idea whether what I'm writing will form the basis of any kind of publishable (or even readable) book. And you know what - I really don't care. This is me writing, that's all I can say. The style is weird - but that can always be fixed. Some characters are emerging - ones that interest me.

That's all for now. I want to get back to my writing.

Best wishes,
Ros

More From a Disillusioned Writer

Hello again and many thanks for all the support I've received since posting last week, both on and off this blog.

Since coming clean about my writing crisis, I've renewed contact with a friend and fellow writer I hadn't heard from for a while, and we're planning to meet up soon. I've also discovered quite a few people going through similar crises of confidence. It all helps - and I really appreciate everyone who has got in touch, commented, 'liked' or whatever. 

I haven't stopped writing. I've thought about it, many a time, but not writing would be a bit like not breathing for me. What I have stopped doing is reading through what I've written. My first drafts are always longhand - often scribbled first thing in a morning before I'm properly awake - and at the moment, they are staying that way. Almost illegible, even to me. I daren't read them. It's like looking in the mirror on a bad hair (or bad face) day.

I've also stopped sending things off. I had a big let-down from my publisher, almost two years ago now. They'd commissioned me for a series about a young boy and his companion robot - and they changed their minds. I was not only disappointed but humiliated - I'd told people about the series, I'd blogged about it and talked about it on school visits. Foolishly, perhaps. So I felt an a complete fool as well as being horribly disappointed. People have encouraged me to submit elsewhere and consider self-publishing, but to be honest I can still hardly bring myself to open the folder.

I know. Silly, isn't it? You have to pick yourself up and carry on. It's hardly a matter of life and death. People are a million times more important than books and I know that - of course I do.

But self-esteem matters to a writer. You've got to believe in yourself, whether you're a beginner, an experienced author or somewhere in between. While being prepared to learn and realising you've a long way to go, you nevertheless have to believe you're on the right road and at least stand a chance of getting where you want to be. Without that, you might as well be writing for your own eyes alone - or not even for your own, if you're never going to read the stuff.

I'll say one thing, though. Since my confession last week, I've developed a real enthusiasm for the thing I'm writing now. I'm not saying I'll ever send it anywhere or try to publish it. But you never know. It's pouring out of me like water (sewage?) out of a burst pipe, and at the moment I can't wait to see what will happen next (I've never been a writer who plans). That's all I'm saying. I'm scared of jinxing it, or looking like a fool when it doesn't work out.

Take care and good luck with whatever you are working at, be it writing or something even more important(!)

More soon,
Ros 

PS For what I did before my writing 'crash', plus reviews and various other things including details of my books, see my other blog, Rosalie Reviews


PPS How do you change your Google profile and give yourself a less cheerful face?

 

What went wrong? My last two years as a writer and how I've made no progress at all

Hello and a big warm welcome to my new blog!

This isn't exactly Writers' Anonymous, but you are very welcome here if you're a miserable and disillusioned writer on the point of giving it all up. You're very welcome, even if you are not those things, but you may not feel quite so much at home. Or maybe you will. Welcome, anyway!

A big proviso at the start. I do realise... yes, I do! that writing is not the be-all and end-all of life. I know that the success or failure of anything I write or don't write, ditto that of anyone else, doesn't matter that much in the overall scheme of things. The birth of my beautiful granddaughter in July this year has done a lot to put things back into perspective for me. So has the illness of a very dear friend. Perhaps that's why I'm blogging again - who knows?

Some of you may have met me before in my old blog, Rosalie Reviews, on which I've posted very little for the last year or so. That's not because I haven't been reading. I never stop reading - books are like oxygen to me. But I haven't been writing much, or not to much avail, for about two years now. I used to contribute to a number of writers' blogs - have given all that up. Used to belong to a number of writers' groups, online and out there in the real world - but no more. Haven't written a review for yonks. Nor done any school visits or radio interviews. Gave it all up to get back to my writing, then found I couldn't write. Or couldn't stick at anything.

I've lost confidence. And yes, I know it happens. I thought I'd been there before. Thought I knew the answers to the problem. 'Grow a thicker skin.' 'Write every day, if only 100 words.' 'Turn off the editor, just write.' 'Try something new.' Oh, the times I've dished out that and similar advice to other struggling writers, safe in my cocoon of (small) previous success. My apologies to anyone I've ever tried to 'encourage' with trite words. I knew nothing of what I spoke.

The last two years have been writing hell, in spite of having launched a proofreading and copy editing service which is doing fine. My own writing has shrivelled up to almost nothing, yet I'm lost without it. I'm still there, pretty much, in that bad place. It's so easy to blog when things are going well and so impossible when they're not - when you've nothing positive to say and who's going to want to read all these misery reports?

But I'm going to have a go - to write a blog from the point of view of a disillusioned writer - one who has bene published a few times and has self-published too; one who has had some good reviews but whose books are not widely known. And one who now doubts her ability to string together words that anyone will ever want to read.

If this rings any bells, please follow me. I'll tell the tale of what has got me down so badly and why the disappointments got me down the way they did. I'll share my efforts to get back on track. I'd love to hear from anyone in a similar situation or from anyone who has been there and come through. All I'd ask is that you don't think you've got the one-and-only answer. I've tried a lot of things. and while I would never discount what has helped other people, I've almost stopped looking for solutions. Instead I want company - the fellowship of the similarly disillusioned. Maybe we can share some laughs, as well as a few tears. And who knows, maybe some of us will scramble back on board.

I'll be back soon.
All the best
Ros